What senior citizens are worth?

I have a very dear friend called Zena Parker. She's in the late summer evening of her life. She has every imaginable thing wrong with her, would be bed-ridden if she could manage to get into it, but despite all that she is STILL an absolute powerhouse of an 80 year old.
She never complains, never. I tell you this because I popped into see her on my rounds today, and she gave me this little poem/verse/prose (can someone explain to me the difference). It has nothing to do with handyman things, it's just a bit of fun.

We old folk are worth a fortune!
We’ve silver in our hair,
Gold in our teeth,
Stones in our kidneys,
Lead in our feet,
and gas in our stomachs!

I’ve become older since last I saw you,
and a few changes have come into my life.
Frankly, I’ve become a frivolous old woman.
I’m seeing six gentlemen every day!

As soon as I wake up Will Power helps me out of bed, then I go and see Jimmy Riddle and then it's time for breakfast with Mr. Kellogg followed closely by the refreshing company of Mr.Tetley or my other friend who I know only by his initials PG!

Then there’s someone I don't like at all - Arthur Itis. He knows he’s not to come, but he insists on being there, and what’s more, he stays all day and night. He doesn't like to stay in one place, so he moves me from joint to joint.

I’m also flirting with Al Zheimer -- I’d tell you more but I can't remember much about him! After such a hectic day, I’m always glad to get into bed with Johnny Walker

The Vicar came to call the other day and said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. So I told him I did, all the time, for no matter where I am -- the bedroom, the kitchen the sitting room or even in the garden, I ask myself,
" Now what am I here after "

Well I'll close now and hope that Will Power is your constant companion but do make sure that his friend Emma Royd doesn’t creep up on you from behind! And do watch for that crafty crafty so and so, Gerry Attric....

Bye for now Anonymous

Looking for DIY help?

As many of you will know, I am always searching the net for info on just about anything.
Here are a few sites that are full of videos. I didn't collate them together - it was the fellas at Dumb Little Man - Tips for life. Please pay them a visit at http://www.dumblittleman.com/
The following text comes from DLM - enjoy!
If you are looking for a project or need some help on a current one, there is a good chance the following sites will have something for you.
5min is a place to find short video solutions for any practical question and a forum for people wanting to share their knowledge.
About.com has a video library that is simple to explain. They have a ton...everything from scrambling eggs to staining furniture.
Expert Village is a repository of how-to videos and articles featuring advice from recognized experts in their fields.
SuTree is an online index and library for free video-based lessons, tutorials, lectures and how-to's.
VideoJug is every aspect of life explained and illustrated through an ever-growing number of common sense, informative, helpful and entertaining videos.From
ViewDo: "When the written word won’t suffice, and a picture can’t quite get the point across either, a ViewDo gives you the detail and perspective you need to get the job done."

Change a euro cylinder fitted into a lock

This morning I was a carpenter and plumber.
First I had to hang a door and then put up some shelves, and then I had to fit a new cistern in a downstairs cloakroom.

At the next call I had to change a euro cylinder in a patio door.
Many eurolocks are relatively simple to change, however it does depend on the design of the lock but the procedure for removal of a typical mortice lock in a door would be as follows:
Locate the screw which retains the cylinder (this will normally be approximately level with the bottom edge of the cylinder).
Remove the retaining screw.
Insert the key into the cylinder and turn the key around to line up the cam and enable the cylinder to be removed. It is not normally possible to change a cylinder with an offset cam when the keys have been lost. In these circumstances the cylinder may have to be drilled and the unless you know what you are doing I would suggest you give me a call.
The procedure outlined above may vary with some locks but the method is likely to be similar.
To install a new cylinder reverse the above directions.
If you don't wan't to do it yourself give me a call on 07930 335 937

An overview of how to grout tiles

I was asked by a customer today if I would give her an idea how to grout a worktop back splash herself. Here's a quick overview of what I suggested she needed to do.

Tile grout requires two main tools.
A good sponge.
A rubber float that has a crisp edge.
Floats can be found at virtually any tile shop.
Grout sponges are synthetic and have rounded edges.
You will also need two clean buckets.

Mix the grout in a bucket until it resembles the consistency of fairly stiff double cream. It should be able to stick onto a knife without any trouble.
As you begin to mix, the grout will probably seem lumpy.
Mix it for about two minutes and then just let it sit for a few minutes.
After the few minutes you will notice that the lumps simply disappear with a little more mixing. Pour tepid water into the other clean bucket.

Be aware during the next stage grout will get all over the tile and it’ll look a mess!
Starting at the highest point and working down, grouting about a half to a square metre at a time, apply grout to the tiles. Wet the rubber float, and using back and forth strokes, spread the grout across the tiles. Cross over the grout joints between tiles at a 45-degree angle while holding the rubber float at a 45-degree angle. The grout lines will look over full and messy at this point. Now pull the float across the tile at a 45-degree angle to remove the excess grout. Remove as much excess from the tile as possible with the rubber float.

Immerse your sponge in the bucket of clean water. Squeeze the sponge to remove ALL the water. Now gently rub the sponge across the face of the tiles in a circular motion. The sponge will quickly fill up with grout. Rinse it out and squeeze the sponge almost dry again. Do this over the area you grouted until the tiles looks fairly clean. The joints will still look quite rough. Rinse the sponge again, turn the sponge on its edge and run the sponge lightly up and down the grout line. Do this process over again on all grout lines and it will look first class. Remember to keep the sponge rinsed and dried. Remember to keep the water bucket reasonably clean

When you do everything properly, the joints will look perfect.
There will still be a haze on the tile.
Wait about an hour or so until the grout firms up, and remove the haze with a clean, almost dry sponge. Let the new grout dry for about 24 hours and then with a soft towel polish away any residual grout haze. Job done!

If you don’t fancy doing the job yourself – give me a call on 07930 335 937

Here's a list of things I do

I'm always being asked can you do this or can you do that
so here is a list in alaphbetical order of some of the things I can do

Add or remove shelving
Aviaries built
Bathroom accessories hung
Bird houses built
Blinds installed
Bookcases made to measure
Cat enclosures
Carpentry & Joinery
Ceiling fans installed
Central Heating*
Wardrobe organizers installed
Clothes Dryers
Decks and Decking
Dog Kennels
Doors hung, repaired, or adjusted
Dual Flush Toilets Installed
External Painting*
Fencing & Gates
Fireplaces installed
Fixtures installed or replaced
Flat Pack Kits Assembled
Garden Maintenance
General Repairs*
Glazing*
Hanging pictures and whiteboards
Hardware replaced
Hardwood floors
Install curtain poles
Install Fly screens
Install Hand rails
Internal Painting*
Landscaping & Gardening *
Light fixtures installed or repaired
Locks fitted
Mailboxes installed
Maintenance
Mirrors hung
New appliances installed
Outdoor grill/fireplaces
Painting & Decorating*
Pergolas
Pet Doors
Pet flaps
Picture hanging
Plumbing
Pressure Cleaning*
Renovation
Repair simple leaks
Replacement of Sash Cords
Roofing Repairs*
Rot repair
Shelving
Shower doors installed
Skylights*
Small repairs
Smoke Detectors
Staircases & Handrails
Storage sheds
Swing sets
Switches replaced
Toilets installed or replaced
Trim carpentry
Vent fans installed
Waste Disposals installed or repaired
Weather stripping
Window Shutters
Windows & Locks
Windows repaired

if you need help give me a call on 07930 335 937

Dripping toilet overflow

If your toilet/water tank/CH header tank overflow is dripping, there's probably a problem with the Ball valve - occasionally it can be the ball itself.

If the washer inside the valve is faulty, replacing the washer in a ball valves is false economy! Replacing the ball valve is by far the best solution, it's relatively simple to do
Here's a brief overview of the procedure
First, isolate the water supply to the cistern/tank, then you'll probably need to bail out some water using a small jug or cup. Using a large spanner or water pump pliers undo the nut holding the water supply pipe to the Ball valve and disconnect. Undo the nuts which are holding the valve to the cistern. Refit the new Ball valve and tighten all nuts before reconnecting the water inlet pipe to it. Let the water in Check for leaks Make sure the new valve operates freely. Reward yourself with a cup of tea. You deserve it In an ideal situation it's a very simple procedure, but that doesn't mean it can't go wrong . If you are in any doubt call me on 07930 335 937.

Install a concealed hinge (eg. Cupboard)

Yesterday, I was asked twice(!) how to install a kitchen/wardrobe hinge.
So I decided to make a quick video to save me trying to explain.
From thought to finished production took ten minutes, so don't expect Stephen Spielberg quality!

How to be the perfect girlfriend

Have a look at this video
It's funny and true
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-be-the-perfect-girlfriend

A couple of links

This evening I've been browsing the internet and come across a couple of sites I liked.

If you like crosswords click HERE

If you have a kitchen and want to renovate the doors only click HERE

I see that Bruce Grieg from 0800 handyman is on holiday in an exotic location.
He writes an interesting blog - take a look at it -it's worth the read.

Leaflet distributors

I'm looking for at least five people
in the Eastbourne area

to deliver leaflets.

------A WARNING-------
For those who have never done it -

it is NOT easy as you might think.

it can be tiring

I don't mind how many or how few

you want to do per week
I'm looking for consistency not speed

Please contact me if you feel like some exercise.

Eastbourne Handyman - Trustworthy Reliable Inexpensive

I was talking to a couple of trade guys today who'd moved down to Eastbourne last year and are finding it hard to get new business.
I was staggered!
Eastbourne, like everywhere else in the UK, is awash with people looking to have jobs done. I decided when I came down here five years ago to concentrate on the small jobs. These guys were looking for large jobs - perhaps that's the difference. When I go into new customers, I often hear the same phrase - "It's so difficult to find someone who will do these small jobs." The funny thing is the small jobs often develop into very large jobs.
Admittedly, most of my work, nowadays, comes from recommendations and repeat business. But I follow a simple method - I solve people's problems. Generally, people don't want to know how difficult a job is, they just want the job done. If I can't, or choose not to do a job, I always know someone who can. Everybody comes to know that Jim solves problems. That's it in a nutshell.
Several years ago a man whom I greatly admired advised me "Don't work with people you don't like -life is too short" "If people are unpleasant or aggressive when you first meet them - don't go back for second helpings - time is unlikely to improve their manners." "Be trustworthy" (NEVER cheat). "Be reliable" (admittedly, my timekeeping was up the Swanee for a couple of weeks this year) and "Be good value for money" (charge a fair rate for the job and don't "load" on the materials). I follow those mottos and it seems to stand me in good stead.

Eastbourne Handyman - No job too small

I work as a general handyman and I'm able to do a wide variety of jobs.
Although I have the skills and knowledge to build a house, I no longer choose to undertake any large projects.
Many customers tell me I am particularly good at problem solving.
I can custom build wardrobes and bookcases, hang doors, assemble flat pack, make wooden windows open that have stuck for years, install cat flaps, fit washing machines/dishwashers, fix leaking taps, toilets, and ball cocks, in fact there are not many jobs I cannot do. My skills My skills cover most things carpentry, plumbing, or electrical.

I do not do ANY heating or gas - but I know men who do...

I know a number of very good reliable tradesmen.
These tradesmen are known to me and have been tried and tested by my many customers.
The people whom I introduce, or whose numbers I give you, are completely independent from my business. Make sure that you feel happy with them and negotiate with them for their work directly.

Please note I am not a Corgi registered plumber or electrician All electrical work carried out by me will be approved by a fully registered electrician. If and when certification is applicable he may charge a fee for the certificate.

Any estimate given by me whether verbal or written will be for my advice, labour, and expertise only and does not cover unforeseen circumstances, additional works, or work to be carried out by any other tradesmen.

All materials are in addition to the estimate and must be paid for in advance.

If you wish I can take you to my trade suppliers, where you can take advantage of my trade discount accounts.

Any rubbish will need to be placed in your general household rubbish bin, if a large amount of rubbish is expected then I would advise that you arrange a skip to be on site. Alternatively I can give you the telephone number of a man who does rubbish clearance.

Payment I accept cash and Paypal.

I do not give credit in any form.

Visited the Compton Lounge. What a delight!

Most of my work has been in the Langney / Stone X / Seaside / and Roselands areas over the last few months. I've been handed from one neighbour to another, and so it's kept me in a small part of Eastbourne, which has meant that I haven't been to the Compton Lounge as much as I would have liked. I popped in on Saturday and it is as delightful as ever. Treat yourself - whether for a cup of tea - breakfast- sandwich - fabulous food - or private dinner party - go visit - it really is THE BEST eating house in Eastbourne.

No job too small is what I say, and what I mean!

Yes I really do mean "no job too small"

Building custom fit bookcases is fun

Most of my work is through recommendation.
Chris at the Little Foxes B&B in Wannock Road had suggested to the clients that I might be able to help them. When they called me, they said "We want a few shelves put up in the living room for our books." It's a joy to work with nice people and this couple are great. I don't know about you, but whenever I meet nice people I'm prepared to do that little bit more. Seeing the masses of large books they had I suggested that bookcases would be a neater option, and price-wise not such a big difference. What came out of our discussions can be seen above. Click on the picture to enlarge. By many people's standards this long "L-shaped 9' high solid pine bookcase, built in three sections, is large, but it will accommodate just a small selection of their books!
Phil at Alsford Timber sorted out good quality timber for us, and it shows in the finished job.
Well done Phil.