George W Bush

Watch this video of George W Bush -

I think its brilliant

Bush Impersonation Video

Tell me what you think

email me handyman@seehawk.co.uk

Growing older

I live in Pevensey Bay. I like Pevensey Bay. One of the reasons I like it is because if you're under 55 in P Bay you're considered a teenager. As you know, I have a lot of very nice customers. Many of them are elderly, and many live in P Bay. One of the many things I'm asked to do is take out baths and fit shower cubicles. Often the customer can no longer get his or her leg over the bath edge, or can't sit down, or they can get in, but can't get back up . There are so many different solutions and they can often be tailored to suit individual circumstances.

Without exception, all of my elderly customers were once young, fit, and healthy.

I can't begin to know what they feel, but I can only think it must be frustrating getting older.

I found this article in a book I read quite often - - I think it says a lot on the subject of getting older, sometimes when I read it I can see myself.

If we are getting older it will be harder to acknowledge that we have not been called to spectacular service, that we are unlikely now to make a stir in the world, that our former dreams of doing some great healing work had a great deal of personal ambition in them. A great many men and women have had to learn this unpalatable lesson - and then have discovered that magnificent opportunities lay all around them. We need not go to the ends of the earth to find them; we need not be young, clever, fit, beautiful, talented, trained, eloquent or very wise. We shall find them among our neighbours as well as among strangers, in our own families as well as in unfamiliar circles - magnificent opportunities to be kind and patient and understanding. This is a vocation just as truly as some more obviously seen as such - the vocation of ordinary men and women called to continual, unspectacular acts of loving kindness in the ordinary setting of every day. They need no special medical boards before they embark on their service, need no inoculation against anything but indifference and lethargy, and perhaps a self-indulgent shyness.

How simple it sounds; how difficult it often is.

Clifford Haigh, 1962

If you need some ideas about showers and baths, for yourself, or someone you know, pop along to the new showrooms at Plumbase Unit 12, Hawthorn Road, Eastbourne, Tel:01323 746666.

Have you ever put up ceiling lights?

Designers. How I would love to strangle a designer. Especially the ones that design light fittings.

I've just put up a Chandelier - it replaces what was there before. Have you ever tried standing on a platform with a part assembled light fitting in one hand, a screwdriver in the other, trying to get a ridiculously small screw into a badly machined hole on the side of a ceiling rose with your other hand. Wait a minute I hear you say I don't have three hands!.......... Now here's the rub. Neither do lamp designers. So why in the name of everything that is holy do they design such diabolical fittings. On a good day it can take 5 minutes to put up a lamp, but it can easily become half an hour, or even an hour... Once you've got it up, then the fun really begins.... dozens and dozens of tiny little dangly bits, need to be hung on hair like wire clips, threaded through virgin size holes. All this and then you've got to go out and get a specific type of light bulb which normal shops in the area don't stock !!!!!!!!!!!

It is my fervent hope that all designers everywhere heed this message, If you do not mend your ways, I will invoke a leather-winged demon of the night to tear itself, shrieking blood and fury, from the endless caverns of the nether world, to hurl itself into the darkness with a thirst for blood on its slavering fangs and it will search the very threads of time for the throbbing of your heartbeat. Just thought you'd want to know that. :)

Suzi is still going strong

What a great day today was. The weather was good. I met a lot of new customers, and got a lot done. Life is good.
I drive a Suzuki Supercarry. It's done 130,000 miles, doesn't use a drop of oil, is very reliable and carries everything I need. No matter what I throw at it, it just keeps going. Year after year it flies through the MOT. Whenever I take it for servicing, which I do religiously, David suggests I should get the new model, but I always say no. It's very basic, and has absolutely no extras, but this van is super practical, and I love it. I'm a handyman not a builder. I don't need, or want, anything larger or more powerful, because otherwise I would probably end up doing bigger and bigger jobs, which I don't want to do. I deliberately keep things small - including my transport. I know some day in the near future Suzi will have to be retired, but as long as she goes on doing what she's been doing, I'll keep on driving what I've been driving.

The floor was sinking fast - rotten wallplate

I don't work on Saturdays, well, not normally. This weekend I've had to make an exception (I quite often make exceptions for lots of things). The workload is very healthy and I need to stay on top of the new work coming in. Norman the P & D, is doing all of the painting and decorating he can handle. Oliver the electrician is as busy as ever. Jeff the gas man sighs when I phone him with another customer. Graham the plasterer is on a huge job. And I'm running around doing the bits I like to do. Yes the workload is very healthy.

As much as possible I like to do the small "No job too small" stuff. I used to do the big stuff, but nowadays the body groans when I even think of heavy work, and so I now choose to do the small stuff. Wherever possible, then and there. Saturday was full of small stuff. I started off in Milfoil Drive. Bathroom doors are notorious for sticking. You can probably boil it down to a couple of factors. Humidity, and poor quality doors, badly hung. This one had all three! The low quality (superstore/cheap) knotty pine door had been poorly fitted and badly sealed.

The door didn't stand a chance.

(Where's my soapbox - it's time for a rant!)

You CANNOT - buy cheap - and get good.

Or as Confucius says

Cheap thing no good

Good thing no cheap

Please write it a hundred times.

Wooden doors are living, breathing things.

They expand and contract with humidity by a very surprising amount

If they are not protected by coats of of oil, varnish, or paint, they will warp - guaranteed.

Especially if they were cheap....

End of rant...

In the short term, I've solved the lady's problem by planing the door enough to stop it sticking, but not so much as to make the door too small when the humidity decreases.

There are a number of other small jobs that need to be tackled around the house, but they will have to wait until Thursday.

Having left Milfoil Drive, I headed down to my next call in Channel View Road. Here was a new small problem. The living room floor of this edwardian terrace house had sunk by two inches in the front corner. Visions of huge repair costs were floating in front of the lady's eyes.

I suspected that the wallplate that the floor joists sat on was rotten. We decided to lift a floorboard to see what the problem was. Lo and behold, the wallplate had disintegrated and left the floor joist (which was rotten at the end where it had sat on the plate) hanging in mid air held up only by the floorboards it was meant to support. The lady was thinking terms of hundreds of pounds. I told her it would be about twenty pounds in materials plus a bit of labour plus two cups of tea. We struck a deal, and I went off to get the materials. Within an hour the job was done, the floor back in place and safe to walk on. I was on my way, leaving yet another lady with a smile on her face!

The other two jobs of the day were electrical - replacing a broken socket and changing a light fitting. I was home for three and able to put my feet up for the weekend.

External doors come in all shapes and sizes

Can someone tell me why imperial external doors are normally 78"high in all widths except 32" width (which is 80" high). I can't find anyone who can give me a coherent answer. Its left me scratching my head.

Oak doors look fantastic. I fitted one today, and I was pleased with the finish. To my eye, oak just looks more solid , more dependable, than other grain patterns. One thing I do know is that tools have to be sharp to work oak. At a cost of six hundred pounds a door retail, believe me, my tools were very sharp. It often takes a long time to hang an external door in an old frame. Today was one of those times. Luckily the weather was reasonable, and so I was able to get the work done outside. It can be a bit dusty with all those wood shavings. The final result is worth the effort. It looks fabulous. Yet another happy customer.

After I'd finished hanging the door, I went on to an elderly customer of mine, who wanted me to re-hook, and re-hang, her winter drapes. If you think oak is heavy, try balancing on a ladder with a full set of curtains draped all over you, at the same time as your trying to get the curtain hook through the track eye. Now that really is hard work.

To finish off the day, I installed a cat flap in a new UPvC door. It only takes a couple of minutes.

Plastic doors are actually very, very, easy to cut through. The customer was amazed how little stood between him and the outside world. A sandwich of two thin sheets of plastic filled with foam.

An oak door can last a couple of hundred years.

How long would you estimate a plastic door will last?

Answers by email please!

Internal doors come in all shapes and sizes

Internal doors come in a variety of sizes. If you have a post 50's house, as a very rough rule of thumb, Height-wise there are likely to be a couple of options 78" or 80" Width-wise there are too many to mention. If your internal door frames are over 78" high you will probably be looking for "metric" door replacements. If you have "metric" height frames and are about to buy replacement doors, you should probably go straight to a building supplier, rather than one of the superstores. Why? Because the timber merchants will probably have them in stock - the superstores probably won't! If you want to use conversion tables to swap between mm an inches click HERE

In this line of work I meet some very interesting people. The lady I worked for today was a real hoot. She is in her early forties and had lived in Malawi for many years and had lived through the transitions of governments, and seen the effects on people and country. She was bright, funny, and forthright. She helped build "cells of recognition" and I now know more about Malawi than I thought I needed to know. Anyway the reason that I tell you all this is that this lady needed internal doors. She had bought an imperial door and had added bits to make it fit a metric frame, because she couldn't find the proper sized doors in any of the "pile' em high and sell 'em cheap" superstores. The door worked perfectly well - but it looked what it was - screwed up! Never mind the quality, feel the width! So today we went to the proper suppliers and got the right door sizes off the shelf. A couple of hours later the job was done, and I had another satisfied customer.

If you are going to buy doors go to the right suppliers - it's cheaper in the long run. If you need some advice email me at handyman@seehawk.co.uk

Plumbing with ice cold feet

What a suprise this morning's snow was. I know it had been forecast for East Sussex, but when I woke up and looked out the window, it was a gigantic suprise when I saw they'd got it right. I was so overcome I wanted to go straight back to bed. In Eastbourne we seem to have a micro climate, and whatever the rest of Sussex might be experiencing, we nearly always appear to fare better. Except for wind! What do you think? Post a comment and tell me.
I'm always interested in what the weather's going to do, and so I went looking for weather forecasts. Beside using Weatherbonk because of the live webcam, I also use the Met Office Weather. It's all down to personal taste.

I had a lovely customer today. She wanted me to re-route some pipework in preparation for a new kitchen being installed. The old kitchen has been removed, the pipework has been altered,
and the lady can now get her kitchen installed. When she bought the house a few months ago it was very run down. With lots of design ideas she is detemined to bring the property up to a high standard. It's still half finished. The kitchen is literally an empty shell, and the plasterers have yet to skim the walls. The bathroom has been re-fitted and is now being tiled. At the moment the house is like a building site - a building site with one tiny exception - in all the main walkways - wall-to-wall near white carpets! If it had been me, I would have left the carpet fitting until after the messy work was finished. But what do I know I'm just a man!

As a rule I go to Plumbase for virtually anything plumbing. I've been using them for years. The guys are friendly and helpful, and I've noticed that when non-trade people go in there, they are not treated like idiots - as so many trade outlets do. I've seen them deal with some outlandish requests from the public, but they're always patient and helpful.

Gates and Fences

The wind has blown itself out - for the moment.
Winter has finally arrived!
I'm not used to the cold.
By the end of the day my tiny feet were frozen.

So have a guess what I've been doing today. Yes , you're right. Fencing! Lots and lots of minor repairs, plus a couple of replacement panels, and a post to replace. Not a bad days work. It's got to the point that I'm starting to enjoy repairing lap-panel fences. I know they're cheap, but they're so flimsy (even the "quality" ones). Overall, I'm sure they work out much more expensive than "proper fencing. If you need to renew some fencing, I suggest you order it from a proper timber merchant, rather than going to the superstores - there is a VERY BIG quality difference. I've been using Alsford Timber in Birch Road as my supplier. Try them, they're nice people to do business with.

It wasn't all fencing. I also had to hang a couple of Ledge and Brace gates, which doesn't take long. I suppose I should say it's all in a day's work.
I'll freely admit, by the end of today I was ready to come home and thaw out.

Multiple Sclerosis

This morning I had to do a few simple jobs for a young man in the prime of his life. I don't think he is yet 30.

A bit of polyfilla in a couple of small holes. Replace a broken tile. Add some silicone around the worktop. All very minor tasks. Minor, that is, for me. This man is in the throes of full blown MS.

I have no idea what he is feeling. Do you think he might be morose, sullen, rude, arrogant, spiteful, condescending, insincere, or out to take advantage, as so many people appear to be? No. This young man - THIS MAN - is none of these things. His movements are very limited. He appears to struggle with every movement he makes. His speech is slurred. He has to consider every word he utters. He has no privacy. He has to allow strangers to do even the simplest of private and personal acts for him. But despite all that he is friendly, polite, thoughtful, gracious and kind. He retains his dignity.

Anyone can be objectionable towards others- and many are - there's no skill or art in being objectionable - it's evident in all aspects of race, creed, class, education, and intelligence.

But it makes the perpetrator a very pitiful individual.

As I left that man today he thanked me - he didn't just say "thank you" - he meant it.

He has my utter respect. I cannot begin to know what he feels. All I know is, "that there but for the grace of God go I" and I feel humble.

This is what I do

I work as a general handyman and I'm able to do a wide variety of jobs.
Although I have the skills and knowledge to build a house, I no longer choose to undertake any large projects. Many customers tell me I am particularly good at problem solving.I can custom build wardrobes and bookcases, hang doors, assemble flat pack, make wooden windows open that have stuck for years, install cat flaps, fit washing machines/dishwashers, fix leaking taps, toilets, and ball cocks, in fact there are not many jobs I cannot do.

My skills
My skills cover most things carpentry, plumbing, or electrical
I do not do ANY heating or gas - but I know a man who does...
Please note I am not a registered plumber or electrician
All electrical work carried out by me will be approved by a fully registered electrician. If and when certification is applicable he may charge a fee for the certificate.


Other Trades
I know a number of very good reliable tradesmen. These tradesmen are known to me and have been tried and tested by my many customers. The people whom I introduce, or whose numbers I give you, are completely independent from my business. Make sure that you feel happy with them and negotiate with them for their work directly.


Estimates
Any estimate given whether verbal or written will be for my advice, labour, and expertise only and does not cover unforeseen circumstances, additional works, or work to be carried out by any other tradesmen.

All materials are in addition to the estimate and must be paid for in advance. If you wish I can take you to my trade suppliers, where you can take advantage of my trade discount accounts.


Rubbish clearance
Any rubbish will need to be placed in your general household rubbish bin, if a large amount of rubbish is expected then I would advise that you arrange a skip to be on site. Alternatively I can give you the telephone number of a man who does rubbish clearance.

Payment
I accept cash and Paypal.
I do not give credit in any form.

A fence too high!

It's been a busy week. The storms made it even busier. I now have more than enough fencing repairs to last me a lifetime. Well, at least enough for a couple of weeks.
There have been some guys out there quoting near black market prices. One customer I went to had been quoted £180.00 - wait for this - to have a single 6' X 6' fence panel slid back into its existing concrete posts !!!!!! They didn't even have to replace the panel with a new one. That type of fence panel can be put into place by two people in about 2 minutes. You go figure out the hourly rate. Now I want to make it clear, I have absolutely no problems with someone making a very healthy profit for services rendered, but, and it's a big but; please draw the line at profiteering. Leave that sort of behaviour to bankers and other such "professionals". That's my rant for the day done.

Fences Doors Tiles Plastering Lights and Smoke Alarms

Well, so far, it's certainly been an interesting week.

've been a film maker/producer, Carpenter, Fencer, Tiler, Fencer, Plasterer, Fencer, Electrician, and did I say it already - a Fencer? These high winds are bringing down fences left right and centre. With at least three calls a day to carry out quick repairs to damaged fences, I've had my hands full. Add to that the normal workload of door hanging and tap washers plus a little bit of tiling and plastering and not forgetting the replacing of light switches and this week has flashed by.

In between, I've found time to "chew the cud" about a new range of air power tools with the guys down at Archery Tools -and produce a couple of videos for the "Eastbourne for Peace and Liberty" group. If you'd like to watch the videos click here and here. Both speakers, Maya Evans and Emily Johns, are well worth listening to. If you have an open mind, they will be worth the watching , because they give a different point of view to the usual stuff that is trotted out.

What I haven't had time to do is update these pages. If only I was superhuman I could get so much more done.

Coming soon to a blog near you...

This is going to be a very short entry. Its midnight. I'm knackered. At the weekend I went to a talk organised by "Eastbourne for Peace and Liberty".
I videoed the talks by of the speakers Maya Evans and Emily Johns, and I've been editing the videos. Maya's talk is ready and can be viewed in the links column.
Just click on the play button to watch. WATCH IT -- It's a real eye opener.

Sorting tools and sharpening chisels

It's the weekend! That means tools have to be cleaned, sharpened, and sorted, ready for next week. "You should do that every day" I hear you cry. Yeah right! No matter how hard I might have tried, it wasn't going to happen. With the wind and rain, pelting down from heaven above, all week long, my main thought, when packing things away, was to stay dry and sheltered.
I have to admit I simply threw every thing into the back of the van and closed the doors. By the end of the week the inside of the van looked like it had received "friendly fire" from the US Marine Corps. It was bad.

Yesterday I re-felted a storm damaged shed roof and replaced 8' fence posts along a larchlap panel fence-line, next to a ditch. By the end of the day I was covered in mud, mud, and yet more mud, but the job was done. I tell people I don't do fencing , but still they call me and still I do it. I like to be helpful and sometimes it's fun to do something different, and with all this wind, a lot of people needed help.

Today's been wet, with less wet periods, and the wind is still blowing a gale. But I don't care. I've been out in the workshop most of the day, poodling about, cleaning, sharpening, and sorting my tools - it's a great life - it's much better than working for a living.

I wonder what next week will bring...